Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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Come see our sink grown plant.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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