Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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