i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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