and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just made my gag reflex go away.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
