marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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