I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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