i wish my penis had a tongue
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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