So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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