im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
