I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He felt like a one man threesome
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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