He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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