i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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