Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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