Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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