Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
