can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
