If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
