I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
