the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.