She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.