I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.