I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!