i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
