Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you