Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
