its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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