But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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