Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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