franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
