in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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