The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
