Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I won the penis lottery.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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