I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
