Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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