omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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