I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
