if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found a bag of teeth...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
