Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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