there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
