It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
