I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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