I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
