Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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