Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
