I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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