well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
