i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
