so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my poor anus
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize