she was so not down for the gang bang
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
