You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
