Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
