i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
