I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
