Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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