He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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