i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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