So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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