be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
