The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
