Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
