He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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