i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
