I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
