It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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