Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she smelled like a LAN party
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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