just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
