I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is wine microwaveable?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
