so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
