Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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