i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
