doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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