just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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