Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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