And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
