Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
