I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
