Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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