dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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