Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Congratulations! We have a period
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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