That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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