You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
