a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize