I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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