I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
