You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
