Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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