You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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