wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
