I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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